Are you an asshole?

Discussion in 'Flame Warzone' started by PH3N0M, Jun 30, 2009.

  1. PH3N0M

    PH3N0M The Master of Sarcasm

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    I am an asshole.

    It took me a while to finally realize it, but that statement is nothing shy of the truth. Sure, I hold the door for people, I help people when I can...but that is the extent of my "good samaritan" actions. I piss on the seat when I use public toilets. I will drink your last beer. I've never been in a committed relationship. If I found a wallet on the ground, I'd take the money and throw the wallet in the trash. I park in handicap spaces. I always find an easy out. I think I'm better than you. I don't tip. I will tell you when something makes you look fat. I will check out your hot friends right in front of you. I do what I want, when I want.

    I am an asshole.

    Here are some more facts to further support my asshole persona. Loving and leaving is my second nature...actually I'm so good at it that it might be my first nature. I won't call you. Conversations lasting more than 5 minutes bore me. I have a lot on my plate, and you will never be my number 1 priority (the lucky ones might rank around 3 or 4). I hate your cat. When I use the last of the toilet paper, I leave the cardboard roll on the spool. I drink too much. When I throw random objects, I'm actually hoping I put someone's eye out. I still think I'm better than you.

    I am an asshole.

    I never use the word love unless its between the hours of 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. I have the mouth of a sailor which will never fail to shine in front of your parents, grandparents, preacher, etc. I voted for McCain. I enjoy having fun at other people's expense. You are not famous...so, if you ever ask me to rate you, be prepared because the number will be below 5. I let people know how terrible their fashion sense is when their closet consists of nothing except t-shirts and elastic banded pants. Being fat is not an excuse, it is a problem. Get off your fat ass for something more than a trip to Wal-Mart. If your cooking sucks, you will know. If you ever leave your dog in your car, then wonder why the inside of your car is torn to all hell when you come out of the store...its because I was standing at your window doing everything I possibly could to provoke the little tyke. I still think I'm better than you.

    I am an asshole.

    I know that I'm incredibly handsome, and have references to prove such. Secrets don't exist as far as I'm concerned...so that amazing (or extremely poor) sexual performance you gave last night will be the first thing my friends and I discuss. I might even tell the Wal-Mart greeter. I hate kids...not some kids...ALL of them. Babies make me nauseous. I am good at everything I do. I believe that diseases that cause people to be over-weight are conspiracies. The doctors simply made these up because they're not nice enough to let you know just how lazy and disgusting you really are, for fear that you will kill yourself. Since I'm an asshole, I could care less. I argue for the sake of arguing. I'm never wrong. I'm always judging you. I still think I'm better than you.
     
  2. Chaos

    Chaos Number Nine

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    well now that you got that off your chest.... What up dude :p
     
  3. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood HH's curmudgeon

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    I thought this was going to be a quiz.......
     
  4. cozumel

    cozumel I'm dangerous but cute...

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    I'm not too sure how to respond...
     
  5. Robert McClelland

    Robert McClelland I'm An Uncle for 2nd time Staff Member

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    I thought someone was swearing :p 5700 posted woopie :D
     
  6. SeraphicSorcerer

    SeraphicSorcerer Well-Known Member

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    Damn I came into say HELL YES!

    But apparently he's an asshole.
     
  7. Falstaff

    Falstaff Old Codger

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    just on a lighter note.
    you should listen to the song from Frank Zappa
    Broken Hearts are for Assholes.

    Frank Zappa tribute song


    actual Zappa video..
    (personal fave)

    please have a laugh and dont take things too seriously.
     
  8. OldBuzzard

    OldBuzzard DH's oldest Geek

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    Last edited: Jul 1, 2009
    Falstaff likes this.
  9. Falstaff

    Falstaff Old Codger

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    damn, you beat me to it..LOL :rofl::rofl::rofl:
     
  10. SeraphicSorcerer

    SeraphicSorcerer Well-Known Member

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    hahaha.. This thread is becoming epic.

    Keep firing, assholes!
     
  11. Mac Daddy

    Mac Daddy New Member

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  12. CDsDontBurn

    CDsDontBurn AMD & Petrol Heads Mod

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    only when i want to be :p
     
  13. Falstaff

    Falstaff Old Codger

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    This is more like it....
     
  14. EcPercy

    EcPercy Well-Known Member

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    HAHAHAHAHA!!! That's tight man! I came in to say that I was an asshole too, but apparently I fall a little short and need to work on being more of an asshole! :D
     
  15. Tinkerhell

    Tinkerhell Not all fairies are nice.

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    Hmmm, a good deal of that sounds personally familiar. It would probably bother me but I'm often an asshole so it doesn't. :)
     
  16. vicsrealms

    vicsrealms New Member

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    Sounds like something from Team America World Police. There are three types of people in the world. Dicks, assholes, and pussies......etc.
     
  17. swimtech

    swimtech Well-Known Member

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    If you're an assh... and you know it stomp your feet,
    stomp stomp
    If you're an assh... and you know it stomp your feet,
    stomp stomp
    If you're an assh... and you know it then your face will really show it.
    If you're an assh... and you know it stomp your feet!


    If you're an assh... and you know it shout hooray,
    Hooray!
    If you're an assh... and you know it shout hooray,
    Hooray!
    If you're an assh... and you...



    C'mon - everybody sing!!!
     
  18. Falstaff

    Falstaff Old Codger

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    its not the size of your asshole
    its what you do with it...
     
  19. cyclop123

    cyclop123 New Member

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    Lol i feel emo
     
  20. Mousey

    Mousey HH's Official Rodent

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    That's not being an asshole, that's being a realist. Pessimism is the thought train of logical people like you and me. Optimism is for people that like to be disappointed; Maybe they get their kicks out of somethin turning out poorly?

    One hell of a post man :D
     

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