I am an asshole. It took me a while to finally realize it, but that statement is nothing shy of the truth. Sure, I hold the door for people, I help people when I can...but that is the extent of my "good samaritan" actions. I piss on the seat when I use public toilets. I will drink your last beer. I've never been in a committed relationship. If I found a wallet on the ground, I'd take the money and throw the wallet in the trash. I park in handicap spaces. I always find an easy out. I think I'm better than you. I don't tip. I will tell you when something makes you look fat. I will check out your hot friends right in front of you. I do what I want, when I want. I am an asshole. Here are some more facts to further support my asshole persona. Loving and leaving is my second nature...actually I'm so good at it that it might be my first nature. I won't call you. Conversations lasting more than 5 minutes bore me. I have a lot on my plate, and you will never be my number 1 priority (the lucky ones might rank around 3 or 4). I hate your cat. When I use the last of the toilet paper, I leave the cardboard roll on the spool. I drink too much. When I throw random objects, I'm actually hoping I put someone's eye out. I still think I'm better than you. I am an asshole. I never use the word love unless its between the hours of 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. I have the mouth of a sailor which will never fail to shine in front of your parents, grandparents, preacher, etc. I voted for McCain. I enjoy having fun at other people's expense. You are not famous...so, if you ever ask me to rate you, be prepared because the number will be below 5. I let people know how terrible their fashion sense is when their closet consists of nothing except t-shirts and elastic banded pants. Being fat is not an excuse, it is a problem. Get off your fat ass for something more than a trip to Wal-Mart. If your cooking sucks, you will know. If you ever leave your dog in your car, then wonder why the inside of your car is torn to all hell when you come out of the store...its because I was standing at your window doing everything I possibly could to provoke the little tyke. I still think I'm better than you. I am an asshole. I know that I'm incredibly handsome, and have references to prove such. Secrets don't exist as far as I'm concerned...so that amazing (or extremely poor) sexual performance you gave last night will be the first thing my friends and I discuss. I might even tell the Wal-Mart greeter. I hate kids...not some kids...ALL of them. Babies make me nauseous. I am good at everything I do. I believe that diseases that cause people to be over-weight are conspiracies. The doctors simply made these up because they're not nice enough to let you know just how lazy and disgusting you really are, for fear that you will kill yourself. Since I'm an asshole, I could care less. I argue for the sake of arguing. I'm never wrong. I'm always judging you. I still think I'm better than you.
just on a lighter note. you should listen to the song from Frank Zappa Broken Hearts are for Assholes. Frank Zappa tribute song actual Zappa video.. (personal fave) please have a laugh and dont take things too seriously.
HAHAHAHAHA!!! That's tight man! I came in to say that I was an asshole too, but apparently I fall a little short and need to work on being more of an asshole!
Hmmm, a good deal of that sounds personally familiar. It would probably bother me but I'm often an asshole so it doesn't.
Sounds like something from Team America World Police. There are three types of people in the world. Dicks, assholes, and pussies......etc.
If you're an assh... and you know it stomp your feet, stomp stomp If you're an assh... and you know it stomp your feet, stomp stomp If you're an assh... and you know it then your face will really show it. If you're an assh... and you know it stomp your feet! If you're an assh... and you know it shout hooray, Hooray! If you're an assh... and you know it shout hooray, Hooray! If you're an assh... and you... C'mon - everybody sing!!!
That's not being an asshole, that's being a realist. Pessimism is the thought train of logical people like you and me. Optimism is for people that like to be disappointed; Maybe they get their kicks out of somethin turning out poorly? One hell of a post man
