Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Forum' started by Mac Daddy, Jun 4, 2003.

  1. Mac Daddy

    Mac Daddy New Member

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    OK guys here it is .........

    This thread has been created just so we can share some jokes here on DH ....
    Keep in mind the Off Topic Rules HERE.....

    I'm sure some Dirty Jokes will be tolerated BUT lets NOT get CRAZY ......
    I encourage reading and Posting of things that make us laugh:D

    Let me start this off with a joke sent to me by my Dear mother ..........




    Viagra ........

    An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husbands sex drive.
    "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.
    "Not a chance," says Mrs.Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."
    "No problem,replies the doctor. Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it.
    Try it and then call me in a week to let me know how things went."

    ......................

    A week later, Mrs.Murphy calls the doctor, and he inquires as to how things went.
    "Oh, faith and bejaysus and begorrah, it was terrible, just terrible, doctor."

    "What happened?" asks the doctor.
    "Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate.
    He jumped straight up, with a gleam in his eye and with his pants bulging' fiercely!!!
    He swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off ...
    And then proceeded to make wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop for hours!!
    It was terrible!"

    ....................

    "What was terrible?" said the doctor. "Was the sex not good?"
    "Oh no, doctor,the sex was the best I've had in 25 years,
    but I'll never be able to show my face in Tim Horton's again!!!
     
  2. kinetic

    kinetic Well-Known Member

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    You never know a man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.
    So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.

    So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at the downtown International Marriott." "That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced.

    So, whatcha doing when you get there?" "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.

    Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

    A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.

    "It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot.

    And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"

    "Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me."

    "Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"

    He said, "Where'd you get that shitty haircut?
     
  3. Mac Daddy

    Mac Daddy New Member

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    Nice One !!!!!!!

    That's pretty funny Kinetic ... thanks for sharing :D

    Keep in mind guys(and gals) I started this thread just too lighten things up a bit:D
    This SARS, Futuremark, NVidia, ATI ..... (Canada Mad Cow disease) wears us thin ........

    Posting is not mandatory ...... But viewing is ........
    (Just an idea I had to remove ourselves for a moment just for a laugh or a smile:D )

    Have fun:D
     
  4. craig5320

    craig5320 Well-Known Member

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    <img src=http://www.ahajokes.com/cartoon/backup.gif>
     
  5. Mac Daddy

    Mac Daddy New Member

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    Hee Hee .......... Nice one Craig:D
     
  6. kinetic

    kinetic Well-Known Member

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    A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees.

    "I don't want to know!" the child says, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me!"

    Confused, the father asks what's wrong.

    "Oh, dad," the boy sobs. "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Santa speech'. At seven, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no tooth fairy' speech.

    "If you're going to tell me that grown ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for!"
     
  7. Saint_K

    Saint_K InSaNe

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    hehehe nice 1 dude :)
     
  8. Saint_K

    Saint_K InSaNe

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    Re: Nice One !!!!!!!


    Speaking about SARS....

    [​IMG]
     
  9. Vengeance

    Vengeance New Member

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    A woman walks into the local drug store and goes up to the pharmacist and asks for some arsenic!
    The pharmacist asks what in the world she would want arsenic for?
    The woman replys to poison her cheating husband with!
    Well the pharmacist replys that he cant give her the arsenic to kill her husband!
    The woman reaches into her purse and pull out a picture of her husband screwing the pharmacist wife.
    The pharmacist takes one look at the pic and says "Oh well you didn't tell me you had a prescription!
     
  10. Calinerti

    Calinerti New Member

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    Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny?"
     
  11. Mac Daddy

    Mac Daddy New Member

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  12. Mac Daddy

    Mac Daddy New Member

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    Quoting the IMMORTAL George Carlin

    How can you tell when a moth farts ???????


    Another piece of trivia :

    How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb

    Post your answers(You won't win anything ... But will be fun:D :D )
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2003
  13. Highwood

    Highwood Comfortably Numb

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    Only one unless his name is Mac Daddy:D :D
     
  14. Mac Daddy

    Mac Daddy New Member

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    Nahh!!
    But you got the attitude right BUD :D

    Try Again ..........................................
     
  15. craig5320

    craig5320 Well-Known Member

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    Five. One to change the light bulb and four to stand around saying, "I could have done that."
     
  16. Mac Daddy

    Mac Daddy New Member

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    Close soooo Very Close Bud ..........
    But still not the answer :D

    This reminds me of another thread ... I hope Uber and I don't debate this until the sun comes up ... I have to work tomorrow:eek:
     
  17. craig5320

    craig5320 Well-Known Member

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    It's the answer according to Google, depends how you tell it I suppose. I mean there's a million and one answers for "why did the chicken cross the road"
     
  18. Mac Daddy

    Mac Daddy New Member

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    That's correct .......... I don't use google though ............ I have seen 2 answers would be fun to see more:D

    Remember this is a joke thread:D
    And I have my interpretation of this ....
    So lets continue:D :D

    And What did Google have to say about the Moth ????????
     
  19. Highwood

    Highwood Comfortably Numb

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    It flies strieght.
     
  20. Mac Daddy

    Mac Daddy New Member

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    He flies in a straight line ............ Ahh yes .......:D :D :D
     

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