Time travel is a reality

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Forum' started by Smoothdrive, Mar 28, 2003.

  1. Smoothdrive

    Smoothdrive Foolish Genius

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    'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
    Wednesday March 19, 2003



    By CHAD KULTGEN

    NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

    Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

    "We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

    "But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.

    "The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."

    The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.

    "If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.

    When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

    Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

    "It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."

    In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.

    All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."

    However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."

    Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."

    Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.
     
  2. Vampyromaniac

    Vampyromaniac confutatis maledictis

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    W . . T . . F . . ? . . ? . . ! . . ?

    :eek: :wtf: :hmm: :confused: :duh: :uhoh: :dead:









    PS :wtf: :wtf: :wtf:
     
  3. syko86

    syko86 New Member

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    What if... It's real?
     
  4. craig5320

    craig5320 Well-Known Member

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    ahehehahaheheh, seriously tho how can they keep someone in jail for it? without proof? it isn't impossible, jus' highly unlikey, i'm talking about the success on the markets not the time travel, that's jus' crazee
     
  5. merry

    merry gargouille

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    Maybe he was drunk driving his time machine...
     
  6. DriveEuro

    DriveEuro New Member

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    Neat. I sitll think time travel is BS.... But that's just my 2 cents.
     
  7. kinetic

    kinetic Well-Known Member

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    Ask him if Nvidia have released any decent drivers by then!:hmm:
     
  8. DriveEuro

    DriveEuro New Member

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    HAHA, nah. Ask him if ATI pushed nVidia under yet.. :w00t::w00t:
     
  9. Smoothdrive

    Smoothdrive Foolish Genius

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    Lets hope it's not true...imagine it being true..

    over 200 years from now someone goes back in time to...make himself rich :sigh:

    I prefer my naieve image for the future of human nature actually improving.
     
  10. DriveEuro

    DriveEuro New Member

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    But have you guys ever thought about it? If you go back in time... you change the future by merely being there. The slightest things... dropping your keys on the ground, and someone picking them up... There you go. You just changed 5 seconds of someone's life. Ya think about how weird that is. You can prevent births, deaths, occurances, ... hell you could change anything. Well, I think time travel is BS, but still. CRAZY.
     
  11. syko86

    syko86 New Member

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    Yeah... If you go back in time and killed someone, then what will happen to his grandchild who is living in the future..?
     
  12. Asuka

    Asuka BANNED

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    Originally posted by syko86
    Yeah... If you go back in time and killed someone, then what will happen to his grandchild who is living in the future..?

    He/she would cease to exist... which would probably be the best reason to go back in time and kill one of his ancestors. Although much easier things would be probably be enough as well - just avoid that some of his ancestors marry and have childs.
    Ever seen "Back to the Future"? Somehow, it was avoided that his mom and dad got together, and then he slowly faded away... but just before it was too late, everything got back as it should be.
     
  13. Frodo301

    Frodo301 Outraged

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    Considering the source of the info. was the Weekly World News, a classic yellow journalism newspaper I would not put any faith in it. That newspaper is the same one who claims Batboy is in the army looking for Bin Laden and Michael Jackson is a space alien. Good for a laugh but the Michael Jackson thing just might be true.:D
     
  14. Vampyromaniac

    Vampyromaniac confutatis maledictis

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    Omg, didn't notice that . . . eesh
    :rolleyes:
     
  15. Smoothdrive

    Smoothdrive Foolish Genius

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    Off course it is not serious press, i plucked it of yahoo news i believe, i didn't even bother to check..it's a good story tough :D
     
  16. Frodo301

    Frodo301 Outraged

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    You took my post a bit too seriously, me thinks. ;)
     
  17. Vampyromaniac

    Vampyromaniac confutatis maledictis

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    Frodo

    No, I seriously didn't see that! :lol: silly me :duh:

    (I wasn't being sarcastic ;))
     
  18. Impulse

    Impulse l33t

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    ROFL... :lol:
     
  19. -={420}=-

    -={420}=- New Member

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    It's weird though that he would know all this inside info from a whole bunch of companies and make just the perfect investments. I wonder what's gonna happen to him.

    Vamp-ur post count is almost 1337 - don't lose it.
     

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