Too Long for Short Jokes :)

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Forum' started by Dyre Straits, May 23, 2020.

  1. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -2 Great-grandsons

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    The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment. Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

    They told stories about eggs, saved pennies, etc.

    The teacher realized that only Janie was left to tell a story.

    The teacher turned to Janie. “Janie, do you have a story to share?’

    “Yes ma’am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

    She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.

    “Good Heavens,’ said the horrified teacher. ‘What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?”

    “He said don’t screw with Mommy when she’s been drinking.”
     
  2. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -2 Great-grandsons

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    A lawyer placed a phone call to a client.
    In a slight whisper, a young boy answered, “Hello?”
    “Hello, young man. Is your mother home?” he asked.
    Still in a hushed whisper, “Yes, sir.”
    “May I speak to her?”
    “She's busy.”
    “OK. So, is your father there?”
    “Yes, but he's busy, too.” (Still very softly spoken.)
    “OK. Is anyone else there?” he asked curiously.
    “Yes, sir. The police and the firemen are here.” (Still very hushed.)
    “My goodness! What are they all doing?” he asked with urgency!
    “They're looking for me!”
     
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  3. Calliers

    Calliers Side hustle: Mayor of Kenja Staff Member

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    An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

    The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”

    The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

    The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

    To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.”

    “But what then?” Asked the Mexican.

    The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”

    “Millions – then what?”

    The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”
     
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