Discussion in 'Off-Topic Forum' started by Trusteft, Dec 2, 2009.
Why did my washing machine stop pumping out water?
And more importantly, where is my hamster?
Hey Craig, whats up homie.
Wow, it took me 10 seconds to get the joke. I thought it was two separate jokes and was thinking, they do not make sense. BUT, combine them and you have a jewel!
A carpet layer had just finished laying new carpet in an older home and decided to step outside for a smoke. When he reached for his pack of cigarettes, he noticed they were missing.
So, he went back inside and, right away, noticed a hump in the middle of the living room carpet.
Thinking to himself, he said, "I'm not pulling up carpet just for a few cigarettes" and proceeded to take his hammer and smash the area flat.
After doing so, he got up and was about to leave when the lady of the house walked in and handed him his pack of cigarettes.
"I found these in a back bedroom," she said. "But, have you seen my daughter's pet gerbil?"
Rest in pepperonis.
Awhile back the Pope visited Israel. He was with a Muslim Amin and a Jewish Rabbi.
But, the big question is:
Did anyone see them walk into a bar together?
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
Children look under their beds for monsters... Monsters look under their bed for Doom Guy.
What did two skunks say on a pew in a church?
Why do you think they call them pews?
Where did Pew come from?
The word came about from Middle English. The word Pew is derived from 'puwe' , tracing back to the old french word 'puie' and the latin 'podia' meaning balcony .The word is referring to the bench that is used to sit in the balcony.
What do you call an armless and legless guy in a pool?
Not mine, but this is from a post on my facebook..
A message to all you men out there that have neglected your other halves whilst the footballs been on...pull her close...hold her tight and whisper those three special little words she needs to hear........
“It's coming home" x
A young father enjoyed singing his two young sons to sleep each night. UNTIL, one night, he overheard the 4-year old tell the 3-year old, "If you pretend to be asleep, he stops."
Hello, is that the alcoholics' hotline?
- Yes, how can I help you?
- Does ice go with cognac?
What did the trash compactor say to the garbage?
"I've got a crush on you."
- Hey mate, what you're doing?
- Currently, I'm smelling one girl's hair, while another is stomping me with her heel.
- Alright, give me a call when you get off the bus.
A man was seen taking a bucket of nails to a cabinet.
He placed some nails in one drawer, then placed some nails in a 2nd drawer, and then a third.
Someone who saw him, approached him and asked, "What are you doing?"
He replied, "I'm not sure. But, my wife told me I needed to file my nails."
What are you getting me for Christmas?
- Nothing, it's Jesus's birthday, not yours.
I have heard that before. Said to me.
Separate names with a comma.