Very short jokes

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Forum' started by Trusteft, Dec 2, 2009.

  1. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2004
    Messages:
    10,788
    Likes Received:
    2,000
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Recent studies have shown that women with a few extra pounds tend to live longer than the men who point that out.
     
  2. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood HH's curmudgeon

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2008
    Messages:
    13,456
    Likes Received:
    1,160
    Trophy Points:
    138
  3. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2004
    Messages:
    10,788
    Likes Received:
    2,000
    Trophy Points:
    138
    A nurse calling the next patient at a doctor's office:
    - Due to the new identity protection regulations, we are no longer allowed to call you by name, so may the old lady with hemorrhoids please come in.
     
  4. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -2 Great-grandsons

    Joined:
    May 13, 2002
    Messages:
    19,187
    Likes Received:
    2,069
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Priceless advice: Do not ever say to a lady: "You look like you're eating well." ;)
     
  5. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood HH's curmudgeon

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2008
    Messages:
    13,456
    Likes Received:
    1,160
    Trophy Points:
    138

    That or "When's it due?" when she's not actually pregnant.
     
    Calliers, Trusteft and Dyre Straits like this.
  6. Trusteft

    Trusteft HH's Asteroids' Dominator

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2004
    Messages:
    22,432
    Likes Received:
    2,534
    Trophy Points:
    153
     
    Calliers likes this.
  7. craig5320

    craig5320 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2002
    Messages:
    9,682
    Likes Received:
    226
    Trophy Points:
    88
    My resolution was to read more ...
    ... so I put the subtitles on my TV.
     
    IvanV and Trusteft like this.
  8. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2004
    Messages:
    10,788
    Likes Received:
    2,000
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Hello, police? I'm afraid something terrible has happened, my wife went out to buy bread yesterday and she hasn't returned!
    - All right sir, take it easy, calm down...
    - Calm down? How do you mean calm down, I'm hungry!
     
    Calliers and Trusteft like this.
  9. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -2 Great-grandsons

    Joined:
    May 13, 2002
    Messages:
    19,187
    Likes Received:
    2,069
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Family's dog died. Young son was heart-broken.
    Mom tried to console him with, "It's not your fault that Rover died."
    He wouldn't have any of that!
    Dad tried with, "You know, Rover is probably up in Heaven right now with God."
    To that, the young son, looking totally puzzled, replied, "Why would God want with a dead dog?"
     
    Calliers, Trusteft and IvanV like this.
  10. Calliers

    Calliers Side hustle: Mayor of Kenja Staff Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2004
    Messages:
    51,021
    Likes Received:
    3,501
    Trophy Points:
    139
    Three dead men go to hell at the same time. There is a white man, a Chinese man, and a Mexican man. Satan tells them that they can only leave hell if he can't do what they ask. The white man asks for the fastest sports car in the world; he goes to into hell. The Chinese man asks for the most advanced computer in the world; he goes into to hell. The Mexican man gets a glass soda bottle, farts into it, closes the lid, pokes many holes in the lid, and asks Satan which hole the fart came from. After pointing to every hole on the lid, the Mexican turns around, points at his butt hole, and says, "Nope, this one."
     
  11. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -2 Great-grandsons

    Joined:
    May 13, 2002
    Messages:
    19,187
    Likes Received:
    2,069
    Trophy Points:
    153
    I read today that Chuck Norris turned 80!

    A few years ago a story came to mind:

    Chuck Norris was walking down the streets of Decatur, near Atlanta, GA, when someone tried to mug him.

    He slammed that sucker so hard to the ground that a piece of granite popped up out of the ground nearby.

    Today, we call it, "Stone Mountain."
     
    Calliers and Trusteft like this.
  12. clubrope

    clubrope Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2013
    Messages:
    128
    Likes Received:
    29
    Trophy Points:
    38
  13. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2004
    Messages:
    10,788
    Likes Received:
    2,000
    Trophy Points:
    138
    I've seen all the episodes of Pornhub, does anyone know when will the season 2 come out?
     
    Calliers and Trusteft like this.
  14. Trusteft

    Trusteft HH's Asteroids' Dominator

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2004
    Messages:
    22,432
    Likes Received:
    2,534
    Trophy Points:
    153
    I know this is not the point, but between you and me, and the internet, I never watch pornhub. I prefer other options, which I will not mention just in case.
     
    Calliers likes this.
  15. Calliers

    Calliers Side hustle: Mayor of Kenja Staff Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2004
    Messages:
    51,021
    Likes Received:
    3,501
    Trophy Points:
    139
    Pornhub is like the "Youtube" of porn. LOL!
     
  16. arb65912

    arb65912 Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2017
    Messages:
    326
    Likes Received:
    170
    Trophy Points:
    43
    " Daddy, daddy... for far to America?.. Shut the fuck up and paddle!"
     
    Calliers, Trusteft and IvanV like this.
  17. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2004
    Messages:
    10,788
    Likes Received:
    2,000
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Dear customers, if you observed a change in taste of the goods sold in our bakery over the recent days, that is because, due to the ongoing epidemics, the bakers are now washing their hands.
     
    Trusteft, arb65912 and Tyrsonswood like this.
  18. arb65912

    arb65912 Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2017
    Messages:
    326
    Likes Received:
    170
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Yuck, lol,lol,lol.
     
  19. arb65912

    arb65912 Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2017
    Messages:
    326
    Likes Received:
    170
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Three construction guys are sitting on a bridge having a lunch break.
    American opens his lunchbox..."damn, hot dog again..if I get that damn hot dog tomorrow I am gonna kill myself"
    Italian guy opens his lunch box ..." Pizza again?? .. if I get that pizza again I am gonna kill myself"
    Polish guy open his lunch box ..." kielbasa again??.. if I get that kielbasa again I am gonna kill myself..."

    The next days comes.
    American opens his lunch box..."Man, I just can not believe it... hot dog again...fuck it" jumps off the bridge, kills himself.
    Italian open his lunch box.."Damn... pizza again... this is just too much... " jumps off the bridge, kills himself.
    Polish guy open his lunch box..." What??? kielbasa again??/ I just knew it... screw it..." jumps off the bridge, kills himself.

    Next day, company officials are going to the worker's widows with condolences.

    American lady opens the door ..." Oh my God, John , my poor John, these hot dogs were not that old, there were only 3 left ...I did not want to waste them... if I just knew I would never put it in his lunch box..."
    Italian lady opens the door.." Oh, mamma mia , this stupid pizza, I did not want to waste it, kids did not want it, dog did not want it... but if I knew I would never put it in his lunch box... oh God, what I am going to do now...?"

    Polish lady opens the door... scratches her head and says.." well, I d not know what to tell you.... he packs his own lunch..." :D
     
    Trusteft and IvanV like this.
  20. MIG-31

    MIG-31 Old time Member.. Staff Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2002
    Messages:
    74,850
    Likes Received:
    2,222
    Trophy Points:
    153

    Just reminds me of this...

    And in reality, This take away is ironically called the Khyber Pass, And I live only a 5 minutes walk from it...

    It changed its owners and name after that... Within the last year or two it is now called the Khyber Pass once again..
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2020

Share This Page

visited