Very short jokes

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Forum' started by Trusteft, Dec 2, 2009.

  1. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    I visited a monastery and as I passed the kitchen, I saw a man frying chips. I asked, "Are you the friar?" He replied, "No, I'm the chip monk."

    An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian are looking at the Garden of Eden by Michelangelo. They're having a debate on what nationality Adam and Eve are. The Englishman says "they look so fancy and regal, they must be English. The Frenchman says "they look so good while naked, they're clearly French" finally the Russian says "They have no clothes, nothing to eat, no source of knowledge and they've been told this is paradise. They're very clearly Russian.

    Jesus: "Whoever is without sin, cast the first stone."
    Crowd: silence
    a single stone comes hurtling through the air
    Jesus: rolls his eyes "Mom!"

    Ismael goes to his friend Abraham and says: "Abraham, my dear friend, I am so puzzled...! Apparently my son wants to convert to Christianity, what should I do?"
    Abraham responds: "It's funny that you ask that, because my son also wants to convert to Christianity! We should ask the rabbi for advice"
    So they go to their rabbi: "Rabbi, rabbi, we are so puzzled! Apparently our sons want to convert to Christianity, what should we do?"
    The rabbi responds: "It's funny that you ask that, because my son also wants to convert to Christianity! We should pray to Yahweh for advice"
    So they pray intensely and suddenly the skies open upon them, a blinding light shines through, and a powerful voice says: "IT'S FUNNY THAT YOU ASK THAT..."

    Found these in the comments under a YouTube video. The jokes in the video... some went a little above my head, but if anyone is curious.

     
  2. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    I hate lazy people!
    - But why, we haven't done anything?!
     
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  3. center_table

    center_table Active Member

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    I have a great joke about procrastination...
    I'll tell you later.
    :D
     
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  4. Tipstaff

    Tipstaff Well-Known Member

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    What did one walnut tree say to another upon seeing a hurricane coming their way?

    "Better hold onto your nuts, 'cuz this going to get rough!"
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2021
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  5. clubrope

    clubrope Well-Known Member

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    What has four wheels and flies?

    A garbage truck.
     
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  6. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -2 Great-grandsons

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    Over coffee one morning, a wife said to her husband, "I'm convinced my mind is almost gone."

    Without looking up from his newspaper, the husband replied, "I'm not surprised. Everyday for the past 20 years you've been giving me a piece of it."
     
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  7. center_table

    center_table Active Member

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    What do you call a cheese that's not yours?

    Nacho cheese!
     
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  8. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -2 Great-grandsons

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  9. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood HH's curmudgeon

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    The kid is not wrong...
     
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  10. Tipstaff

    Tipstaff Well-Known Member

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    10 Irishman were thrown against a wall, 1 bounced. His name? Rick O'Shea.
     
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  11. Calliers

    Calliers Administrator/Editor Staff Member

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    I've gotta get a new butt.

    My old one has a crack in it.
     
  12. Tipstaff

    Tipstaff Well-Known Member

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    Ba dum tss!

    What did the drummer say to the band leader?
    "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
     
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  13. Calliers

    Calliers Administrator/Editor Staff Member

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    It's hard to tune a piano, but easy to tuna fish.
     
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  14. Tipstaff

    Tipstaff Well-Known Member

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    So that's what the scales are for.
     
  15. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -2 Great-grandsons

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    I read an example of how couples can compromise on major decisions.

    A couple planned a trip to Europe.
    The husband wanted to go to the Alps so he could ski.
    The wife wanted to go to Egypt.
    They compromised.
    They went to Egypt.
    The husband was allowed to take his skis.
     
  16. Trusteft

    Trusteft HH's Asteroids' Dominator

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    They should plan a trip to school.
    Last time Egypt was in Europe, Europe was part of the Pangea.
     
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  17. Calliers

    Calliers Administrator/Editor Staff Member

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    A while back I read a story of a visiting pastor who attended a men's breakfast in the middle of a rural farming area of the country.
    The group had asked an older farmer, decked out in bib overalls, to say grace for the morning breakfast.
    "Lord, I hate buttermilk", the farmer began. The visiting pastor opened one eye to glance at the farmer and wonder where this was going. The farmer loudly proclaimed, "Lord, I hate lard." Now the pastor was
    growing concerned. Without missing a beat, the farmer continued, "And Lord, you know I
    don't much care for raw white flour". The pastor once again opened an
    eye to glance around the room and saw that he wasn't the only one to
    feel uncomfortable.
    Then the farmer added, "But Lord, when you mix them all together and
    bake them, I do love warm fresh biscuits. So Lord, when things come up that we don't like, when life gets hard, when we don't understand what you're saying to us, help us to just relax and wait until you are done mixing. It will probably be even better than biscuits Amen."
    Within that prayer there is great wisdom for all when it comes to
    complicated situations like we are experiencing in the world today.
    Stay strong, my friends, because our LORD is mixing several things
    that we don't really care for, but something even better is going to
    come when HE is done with it. AMEN! ❤️
     
  18. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood HH's curmudgeon

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    I don't like biscuits...
     
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  19. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    It's hard to say "I'm sorry", but it's even harder to say "The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick."
     
  20. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -2 Great-grandsons

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    Many of you know I like to tell funny stories. But, I'll bet you never knew I even do it in my dreams!!! :)
    From six years ago and brought back to my memory. I think I even woke myself up laughing. ;)

    A fella did a project for an elderly lady.
    When it came time to get his check, as the lady was handing it to him, he asked, "By the way, ma'am, how do you like my work?"
    "Well," the lady replied, "most people get their work done about three times faster, but their quality isn't as good."
    He replied, "I'm glad you're happy with my work!"
    "I didn't say, I'm happy," she answered. "I said the quality is better."
     
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