Very short jokes

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Forum' started by Trusteft, Dec 2, 2009.

  1. malmental

    malmental System Builder > Hardware Specialist

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2012
    Messages:
    1,589
    Likes Received:
    49
    Trophy Points:
    48
    A guy walked into a bathroom and started pissing He looked over and saw a really little man taking a piss. The guy looked over at him and said, Hello.

    The little man said, Hi, I'm a leprechaun! The guy was amazed. The leprechaun said I like you. I am going to grant you 3 wishes.

    The guy was skeptical but he decided to go along with it. The guy said, Okay, I want a big house. The leprechaun said, When you return home, you will have a huge mansion!

    The guy said, And then I want a beautiful woman for my own. The leprechaun said, I will give you a woman so wonderful you will never look at anyone else.

    The guy didn't know what to wish for 3rd. He looked over and saw the size of this leprechaun's dick. It was huge. He said Okay, my third wish is to have a big dick as big as yours.

    The leprechaun said, "I'll give it to you if you let me screw you up the butt.

    The guy didn't want to, but he really wanted a big dick.

    So the two were tearing it up!

    All the sudden the guy yelled out, I can't believe I'm letting a leprechaun screw me up the butt!

    Then the leprechaun said, I can't believe you think I am a leprechaun.
     
  2. Calliers

    Calliers Side hustle: Mayor of Kenja Staff Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2004
    Messages:
    51,021
    Likes Received:
    3,501
    Trophy Points:
    139
  3. craig5320

    craig5320 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2002
    Messages:
    9,682
    Likes Received:
    226
    Trophy Points:
    88
    In an update to my initial joke...

    Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
     
  4. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -2 Great-grandsons

    Joined:
    May 13, 2002
    Messages:
    19,187
    Likes Received:
    2,069
    Trophy Points:
    153
    At the beginning of the school year a teacher of 2nd graders noticed that one young man in the back of the class was very distracted, fidgeting with and scratching at his crotch area, and just simply not paying attention.

    She walked to the back of the class and asked, "Bobby, what's bothering you?"

    He was very embarrassed and whispered very quietly, "Teacher, over the summer my parents had me circumcised and today I'm itching so bad I can't stand it."

    She wrote him a note to take to the principal and instructed him to call his mother and see what she wanted him to do.

    After a few moments, he returned to class, took his seat and, in just a few seconds there was a commotion in the area with students giggling and pointing at him.

    The teacher, again, walked to the back of the class and was shocked to find him sitting at his desk with his pants pulled down to his knees and "everything" in full view!

    "Bobby, what in the world did your mother tell you?" she asked.

    "Teacher, she said she could come and pick me up at lunch time. But, until then, I just have to stick it out."
     
  5. Takaharu

    Takaharu Unus offa, unus iuguolo

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2009
    Messages:
    3,350
    Likes Received:
    346
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Two men walk into a bar. One says to the other "bad enough one of us did it".

    A priest, a rabbi and a nun walk into a bar. The barman says "is this some kind of a joke?"

    What do you call a dead chicken? A poultryguiest.

    A comedian starts a joke "I remember the first time I had sex..."
    "What, yesterday?" a heckler asks.
    "Glad you remembered" he replies.
     
  6. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2004
    Messages:
    10,788
    Likes Received:
    2,000
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Mom, why is my cousin called Rose?
    - It's because your aunt likes flowers.
    - And what do you like, mom?
    - Dickey, stop asking me stupid questions!
     
  7. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2004
    Messages:
    10,788
    Likes Received:
    2,000
    Trophy Points:
    138
    The Guinness book of Records has set the record for the number of senseless records recorded.
     
  8. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood HH's curmudgeon

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2008
    Messages:
    13,456
    Likes Received:
    1,160
    Trophy Points:
    138
    ^^^ Yeah, but somebody has to do it.
     
  9. malmental

    malmental System Builder > Hardware Specialist

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2012
    Messages:
    1,589
    Likes Received:
    49
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Teacher: Why are you late?
    Junior: Because of the sign.
    Teacher: What sign?
    Junior: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”.
     
  10. Calliers

    Calliers Side hustle: Mayor of Kenja Staff Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2004
    Messages:
    51,021
    Likes Received:
    3,501
    Trophy Points:
    139
    Hahahaha, good one.
     
  11. malmental

    malmental System Builder > Hardware Specialist

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2012
    Messages:
    1,589
    Likes Received:
    49
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

    In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

    He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams.
    I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
    You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.
    You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
    Yes, I know you.'

    The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

    She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
    youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone,
    and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.
    One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

    The defense attorney nearly died.

    The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
    'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.
     
    Falstaff likes this.
  12. Falstaff

    Falstaff Old Codger

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2002
    Messages:
    20,553
    Likes Received:
    311
    Trophy Points:
    123
    How many Bronies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    All of them. One to screw it in, and the others to cheer him on.
     
  13. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2004
    Messages:
    10,788
    Likes Received:
    2,000
    Trophy Points:
    138
    How did the hipster burn his tongue?
    - He drank his coffee before it was cool!

    That one and 52 others:

     
  14. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2004
    Messages:
    10,788
    Likes Received:
    2,000
    Trophy Points:
    138
    I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I'm impecunious.
     
  15. malmental

    malmental System Builder > Hardware Specialist

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2012
    Messages:
    1,589
    Likes Received:
    49
    Trophy Points:
    48
    A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years
    He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
    He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
    While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
    “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
    I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”

    She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”
     
  16. theironman

    theironman Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2011
    Messages:
    203
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    0
    lol Good one
     
  17. theironman

    theironman Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2011
    Messages:
    203
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    0
    It is a silly joke but it is good lol

    What's invisible and smells like carrots???
    A: Bunny farts!
     
  18. Calliers

    Calliers Side hustle: Mayor of Kenja Staff Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2004
    Messages:
    51,021
    Likes Received:
    3,501
    Trophy Points:
    139
    Girl : "F*ck You", Boy : "Promise?" ;)
     
  19. Transk53

    Transk53 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2010
    Messages:
    782
    Likes Received:
    10
    Trophy Points:
    0
    England Rugby!!
     
  20. MIG-31

    MIG-31 Old time Member.. Staff Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2002
    Messages:
    74,850
    Likes Received:
    2,222
    Trophy Points:
    153
    ? (Im not into rugby) so I don't see how this fits within this thread..
     

Share This Page

visited